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Talk:Teen Age Riot/@comment-3575890-20150729084929
Okay, now that I've had some time to collect my thoughts, I'm going to try to make sense of this ratchet ass mess. I have realized that the events that went down between..ugh...Zaya tonight are reminiscent of those from Zombie, only this time, with Zig in Harry's place and Maya in the driver's seat. I realize that the events of the last block that of which when Maya's PTSD began resurfacing, and what has transpired now, do indeed piece together into a logical explanation for Maya's suddenly out of character behavior. Perhaps it's just that these writers sweep plot points under the carpet at lightning speed that I never considered that Maya's story arc from the last block was still pending. I honestly had thought that her relapse had been resolved and shelved away by the end of the last block. I see now that I was wrong, and that this plot point is in continuance and being conflated with this Zaya arc. Maya is back in the same headspace that she was in two seasons ago, which not too ironically, is also the only time she showed any romantic interest in Zig and partook in hedonistic activities like she is doing now. So now let's psychoanalyze why Maya keeps latching onto Zig only ever when she's in this headspace. Up until now, Maya showed no romantic interest in Zig. There is no shadow of a doubt that she does indeed love him, but not in the way that she is trying to delude herself into believing she does. The last time that Maya behaved like this was shortly after Campbell's death. She was desperate for an escape and drowned out the pain with alcohol and additionally clinging to Zig for the romantic companionship that she so desperately missed. Zig was nothing but a vessel to alleviate that loneliness. Now, she's yet again turning to that same coping mechanism of substance abuse (only this time, actual drugs) and once more seeking companionship in Zig. This time though, it's a little different as well. Zig undoubtedly means more to Maya now than he did two seasons ago, and unlike last time, her using of him is more subconscious than deliberate. She isn't just looking for a distraction from the hurt of the loss of Campbell that she still harbours deep inside of her; she is legitimately looking for a romantic partner, which is why not just any average joe like Harry will do at this point. She wants love and romance back in her life, and she's desperately trying to fill that void using Zig. He has become her best friend and is one of the closest people she has to her right now. Ideally, he is looking to be the perfect candidate: she knows he has had romantic feelings for her for years, he's her best friend and sole confidant right now, and she feels that she can trust him to not break her heart. The last time she was in love, she got hurt, and the time before that, hurt even worse. She's afraid to fall in love again so she's forcing herself to love somebody whom she is convinced won't hurt her like the others have had. Maya doesn't just want to pretend anymore. She genuinely wants to love Zig in that way, but she doesn't. It took Grace having to implant the idea into her head before she would even consider Zig as a romantic option. Once the idea came to light, something clicked in her mind that she was in love with Zig, but it was wishful thinking rather than a genuine revelation of her feelings. It occurred to her that, with their history and close friendship standing, it made sense to be in love with Zig...on paper at least. Maya is about to learn the hard way that these feelings are not real, that they are her loneliness, pain, and fear of loss all bundled together into a single manifestation that reflects her heart's deepest desires. She has escaped into a fantasy world where her true love can be the same person as the person she is closest with and trusts the most right now, and whom she is confident, can never hurt her, but the feelings aren't real. Her mind has fabricated them as a means of coping with what she has lost. Zig is an ideal she has dreamed up. She isn't in love with him, but she wants to be, and she's trying to force those feelings of platonic love she has for her best friend to accord with what her brain is telling her is a good, dependable guy she can lean on and trust to not give up on her, and whom has been relentlessly pining for her for years. She knows he'll never leave her. This makes him the ideal romantic contender to replace both the losses of Campbell and Miles in her eyes. But that's not how love works. You either have those feelings for somebody or you don't. I couldn't make sense of why Maya so easily buckled under the pressure of taking the MDMA - was even enthusiastic about it - and then I pieced that together with the event that transpired next, and it occurred to me that Maya didn't take it out of peer pressure, but because she had hoped that being under the influence would make her feel all of the things that had Vince described. She wanted to feel alive, but more than that, she hoped the high would induce this feeling of being truly in love with Zig, that deep down inside of her, she knows isn't really there. This is written all over her face the next day after the high has worn off and reality has set back in. It's important to mention that Maya saying she's glad her first time was with Zig doesn't mean she doesn't regret it or that she's in love with him. First of all, she was still under the influence when she said this. They both were. And second of all, in her current state of mind, losing her virginity to her best friend and most trusted confidante in her life does seem ideal right now. She is happy that it was with Zig, but she's not basking in the afterglow of that wonderful feeling after you've just made love with your true love. She's simply content with that her first time was with the closest person in her life right now. Maya is confused. She is swapping these feelings of closeness and camaraderie with true love, and at this, I empathize because I have been in this very boat myself. It's an awful thing, to have found whom you believe to be your ideal romantic partner, but can't feel a drop of romantic feeling for. I have been there. I have been in a situation wherein I have tried to force feelings to thrive where they weren't there because I so desperately wanted to have those feelings for that person, but those feelings never came and eventually I had to accept that I only loved that person as a friend. You can't pick and choose who you love. Maya is trying to force feelings that aren't there whilst at the same time, force out feelings that still linger and never truly went away.